


"Go Eat a Dick"

by tiredgayy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Crack, Fluff, Love Confessions, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:13:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26270944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiredgayy/pseuds/tiredgayy
Summary: Tsukishima makes questionable latte art. Kuroo, Akaashi, and Bokuto fall in love anyways
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Koutarou/Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 5
Kudos: 292





	"Go Eat a Dick"

“Welcome. What could I get you today?” asked Tsukishima. 

The black-haired cat replied, “Megane-chan, what do you recommend?”

Tsukishima sneered. “Depends on what you feel like. Earl Grey Tea if you want to relax. A double-shot espresso if you need to study. Or an affogato if you just want something sweet.”

“I don’t know what an affogato is but then again, aforgetto a lot when I see you.” The man laughed like a hyena, obviously proud of his joke. Tsukishima pushed up his glasses to try to hide that he was smiling.

“What do you want, bed-head-san.”

“The name’s Kuroo. I’ll just get a latte and your number, thanks.”

Tsukishima glared at him, but the customer made no move to drop his smirk. He handed over the money before stepping away to wait for his drink. 

What a dick, thought Tsukishima. He then grabbed some milk and the latte and proceeded to draw on the drink. 

Kuroo heard his name and walked up to the counter. Waiting for him was a glorious, foam picture of a dick on his latte, as well as a note saying “Go eat a dick, Neko-san.” Kuroo laughed loudly, which caught Tsukishima’s attention. They looked each other in the eye and Kuroo responded, “gladly.”

Tsukishima turned an absurd shade of red before leaving to attend to other customers; the sound of Kuroo’s laughter still ringing in his ears.

\---

The next day, a silver-haired man cam running into the coffee shop. Before Tsukishima could say his usual greeting, he shouted, “ONE LATTE FOR BOKUTO PLEASE AND THANK YOU.”

Tsukishima must have gotten whiplash from the intensity that the man brought. He told him how much it was and as Bokuto paid, he said “Can I get a dick too?”

The blond spluttered and made a series of questioning noises. “I- Excuse me. What?”

Bokuto looked at him with his large eyes. “You know. Like the one you gave Tetsu yesterday.”

Right. He drew a dick on some guy’s latte. How could he have forgotten? “Yeah. Sure.” He walked away to make the drink and out of the corner of his eye, Bokuto was grinning happily. He’s like a teddy bear. How endearing.

He called out the order and the man came back, eyes wide like an owl. Upon seeing the picture, he cheered. As he left, he leaned over the counter to give Tsukishima a peck on the cheek before quickly running out of the door.

Tsukishima turned as red as the strawberry on his strawberry shortcake.

\---

“So you’re the one that drew dicks for both of my boyfriends,” said a voice that belonged to the most beautiful man Tsukishima has ever seen. 

“My apologies. I-”

“Draw one for me too. It’s not fair that they got one.”

“Uh. Okay.”

The man paid and Tsukishima could feel his gaze as he made the drink. As he handed him the drink, Akaashi leaned over and whispered, “You are as gorgeous as they said you are, Tsukishima-kun,” before promptly leaving. 

The ever so stoic Tsukishima has flustered once again. 

\---

Over the week, the three men came in and asked for ridiculous latte art, all of which Tsukishima attempted. No one mentioned the excessive tip or the random acts of PDA. Tsukishima’s coworkers have never seen the blond so embarrassed. Likewise, they have never seen him worry until now.

No one from the trio came. Tsukishima waited 30 minutes past his shift before going home. 

\---

The next day, Tsukishima looked incredibly tired, as his brain provided him with nerve-wracking, unrealistic reasons as to why his trio didn’t appear. Apparently, his aura was enough to keep his coworkers away from him. 

Bokuto and Kuroo barged through the door as an elegant Akaashi followed. 

“WE GOT YOU SOMETHING TSUKKI!”

“YEAH. WE SPENT ALL NIGHT MAKING IT TOO.”

Before Tsukishima’s brain could catch up to him, Akaashi handed him a latte with a heart drawn on with foam. “Will you go out with us?”

And Tsukishima officially ascended.


End file.
